Proactive, Not Reactive
“When you emotionally react to someone, several things happen simultaneously:
- First, you give your emotional control and power to someone outside of yourself.
- Second, you make assumptions about WHY they said or did that and what that means about you.
- Then you blame (based on your assumptions). This is definitely their fault because they started it by upsetting you!
- Now, you get upset because they are trying to make you act how you “should,” according to them. And you can’t believe they would dare to instruct you, especially since you actually know better.
- Next, you try to control the other person by “teaching” them the “correct” thoughts, words, or actions (according to you).
- At the same time, you are also being a hypocrite by thinking, feeling, and acting inconsistent with your own code of conduct, values, and expectations, or acting “incorrectly.”
So, you are basically doing exactly what you are upset at them for doing. And you both enter an escalating lose/lose cycle of anger and blame.
In that moment, it feels more important to defend your rightness and attack their wrongness. Eventually, though, you realize, that you cannot react with anger and still be right.” -Quote from Choose Happy: Be This, Not That by Jennifer K Hughes
