Don't Choose Misery

Whether we realize it or not, most of us choose to be unhappy at least some, if not much, of the time. We do this by choosing things that lead to unhappiness. Some of the things that lead to misery are highly preventable, just by choosing something different.

Many people choose self-defeating behaviors seemingly automatically. However, neuroscience teaches that we can change; our brains can learn new patterns and habits.

Hopefully, you will become more aware of the things that cause frustration, fear, staying stuck, challenges in relationships, etc, so that you can avoid these behaviors and their accompanying unpleasant feelings.

Remember, you can choose what you will do moving forward, and you can choose how you will feel today. The ability to choose is what makes you human.

If you have made choices in the past that have made you unhappy, so what! We all have. Literally. All of us. There is no reason to put undue guilt or shame on yourself or anyone else for choosing something negative. Just choose something different. Use the past as a lesson and a motivation to make better, happier choices starting now.

Don’t dwell on the past. You, (and everyone else in your life), were just doing the best you could with what you (or they) knew at the time.

Even when you feel like you should know better, it is the perpetual challenge of life to remember how to be, how not to be, and then do it, regardless of what happens around you. 

As with all challenges, there will be valuable lessons that can be learned in no other way. Our challenges, in fact, are catalysts for creating the person we want to become. It is by wading through impatience that we learn to become more patient. It is by taking responsibility that we can give up blaming. It is by interrupting unkind thoughts/actions and replacing them with something more productive and kind. When we choose things that make happiness more likely and avoid things that make it more difficult, we release our favorite kinds of misery and generate lasting happiness. 

We can make the choice every day between these two extremes of happy or miserable, (and it’s usually somewhere in between). 

You’ll find if you study the lives of your heroes, the people you respect, and the people famous for their success, they all have this in common: they strive to live their lives choosing happy. The fact that they manage it much of the time, is evidenced by their resume. 

These very traits lead them to be the hero they are now. And, these are also the very skills, (for, they are skills that anyone can learn), that helped them have the kinds of lives that most envy. And, most importantly, they are the pattern of happiness. You cannot be truly happy while also choosing things that cause misery.

If you choose happy, you will create a better, more fulfilling relationships and life. 

If you avoid the behaviors that cause misery, you will save yourself unnecessary pain, and heartache, and live the kind of life that eludes most people. 

Choosing happy won’t solve all your problems; it won’t stop aging in your body or the death of loved ones. 

It won’t prevent people around you from choosing misery behaviors (and trying to involve you in them too). 

It isn’t a magic pill that just makes you happy all the time. 

But, you know what causes misery. You know what causes happiness. Perhaps the most powerful thing is that you have the power to decide. 

So choose. 

Choose wisely. Your happiness depends on it.

--Excerpt from CHOOSE HAPPY: BE THIS, NOT THAT